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Senioritis Symptoms

I am still not done with my senior thesis. I do not have a job secured. I have no idea where my life will take me after May 22nd, though I know there is a strong possibility that it will take me back to Ridgewood, NJ, to my bedroom still adorned with prom pictures and Build-A-Bears. Life is tenuous and doubtful, unpredictable and fragile. And yet my thoughts of the future are limited to next week’s episode of 24.

I wasn’t supposed to contract senioritis. Last semester, I was constantly on the verge of tears, the designated hot mess. The last-minute decision to accelerate my college career put a damper on any fun and games to be had in the Fall; I set aside sleep and happiness in order to write my senior thesis, pass my classes, including intolerable graduation requirements, and despair over hiring freezes. I even worked throughout winter break, stopping only to devour more Dreidel-shaped sugar cookies and generic hot cocoa.

When I moved back into McMahon Hall three weeks ago, the transience of college suddenly became apparent. Dean Petit-Hall’s emails frequented my Gmail inbox, my friends had officially abandoned us for Europe, and I was getting notifications of the senior cruise. Graduation was imminent. I was mortal. In less than five months, it would all be over, and I would be left with nothing but a hangover.

So, while this semester is arguably more crucial and time-sensitive than the last, I have involuntarily resigned from all obligations and anxieties. Instead of finishing arbitrary job applications, I write, I dance, and I bake bread. In lieu of concluding my senior thesis, I explore the city, searching for the unknown, the unseen, the untainted. I discover and rediscover falafel joints, jazz clubs, and stretches of grass. I have essentially withdrawn from reality. I wish to perpetuate the illusion that is college, to further the delusions and hallucinations that constitute the most dysfunctional, memorable, and formative years of my life.

And in the mean time, I will probably take a stab at finishing my Human Rights notes, too.

-Rucha Desai

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Categories: Campus, Seniors Tags: , ,
  1. Abhay
    March 20, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    College life is not an illusion, nor delusion nor hallucination. It is a microcosm of life: dysfunctional, continually formative, and, ultimately, one hopes, memorable! The challenge is to stretch this happiness into the rest of your life. Worst case, it will always be your happy place.

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