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The Next Great Winter Olympic Sport: Slush Jumping

This week’s round of snowfall inspired a new athletic event for those of us without a pair of Hunter rain boots: slush jumping. Getting around Manhattan recently made me feel like a winterized long-jumper, choosing what looked like the safest route from the curb to the driest part of the street and then back onto the curb.

Obviously the easiest strategy is a running jump from the curb as soon as the last cab runs the red light, but in some places (any corner of Columbus and 60th) not even a kangaroo could jump across. In these cases, I usually try to find a mound of snow (which doesn’t soak shoes as easily as puddles of slush) from which to launch further out into the street. In these places it’s infinitely harder to get from the street to the curb, but the key is searching for the closest place you can get to the curb and then hoping for either the dry salvation of the curb or the fluffy cushion of snow.

Now, wouldn’t this be just as fun to watch as cross-country skiing and CNBC’s coveted curling? The humiliation of failure would be both immediate and supremely entertaining, while the champions could come from anywhere; no country would dominate this sport like North Americans and women’s hockey. That being said, if Slush Jumping is indeed an event at Sochi, Russia in 2014 and I pass my drug test, I promise you gold.

-Harry Huggins

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