Home > Entertainment, Lifestyle, Rant and Rave > Rant and Rave: Lindsay Yells at Babies

Rant and Rave: Lindsay Yells at Babies

Lindsay Lohan is suing Etrade for it's recent "milkaholic" ad, which she argues is attacking her personal life.

According to the New York Post, actress Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for over $100 million for their latest Super Bowl commercial, in which a high-flying, jet-setting baller of a baby is explaining over webcam to his toddler girlfriend why he didn’t call her last night.

He explains “I was on E-Trade, diversifying my portfolio, taking control. Like a wolf.” Skeptical, his friend asks, “And that milkholic Lindsay wasn’t there?” He stares meekly at his monitor and asks weakly, “…Lindsay?” At which point, another baby’s face takes over the screen, and it’s Lindsay. “Milk-a-whaaat?” she quips.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan insists that this commercial is an attack on her highly publicized personal life, which has involved various amounts of alcohol and drug abuse. Ms. Lohan’s primary reason is that some actresses, like Madonna and Cher, are known professionally by only one name. She counts herself among those superstars.

Let me be one of many, I hope, to assure Lohan that this is not the case.

First of all, Lindsay, being an alcoholic does not equate to a baby being a milk-a-holic. Alcohol, as we have all learned, makes one drunk, including yourself. Milk, as you apparently do not remember, makes babies full. Babies actually need milk to survive. Are you perhaps implying that you need alcohol like a baby needs milk?

Secondly, you’re not actually famous enough for your first name to get someone else in trouble. Your own substance abuse has lead to the rapid decline of your credibility as an actress and given you a reputation as a reckless socialite that far exceeds your acting chops.y guess is your lawsuit has only made the E-Trade Lindsay more popular, which means that a baby is now more famous for drinking milk than you are for anything going on in your life right now.

Lohan’s lawyer says, “Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message.”

E-Trade has responded that in fact, Lindsay is the name of a member of their account team. Hear that, Lindsay? E-Trade named a baby after not you.

-Karen Lo

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