Home > Entertainment, Lifestyle > This is My Nightmare: The Elephant Edition

This is My Nightmare: The Elephant Edition

Harry Huggins, opinions editor

I saw something today that completely changed my view of animals. Before reading any further, watch this:

My first reaction channeled the double rainbow guy: “What does it mean!?!?” I was astounded, impressed and mostly excited to see that at least something has less artistic ability than me. Who can watch that movie without being swept away in the cuteness of an elephant painter?

Me, that’s who. About halfway through the video, I had a disturbing realization. If elephants have enough self-awareness to paint a creative interpretation of themselves, it can only be a matter of time until they realize how much bigger than us they are. When that day comes, our zoos will turn on us. Ever heard of “Planet of the Apes?” When the elephants take over, we’re going to wish we had monkey protectors.

Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe the elephants will let us live in peace, despite our puny proportions. But even then, imagine the irreversible damage they will do to the art world. Elephants will become the undocumented workers of art, literally working for peanuts in some cramped zoo. What’s worse; when they do start making their own money, imagine how they’ll change their neighborhoods. You thought the Village was clogged with hipsters already, imagine how disgusting hipster elephants will be. 10-foot-tall hipsters? This is my nightmare.

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